AESTHETICS
Dori Hartley | VenusBlogs Managing Editor

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I always have to remind myself that not every woman is on the same level as the enlightened few when it comes to self-acceptance and personal body image. With all of the many hurdles that so many of us have to leap over in order to get to a place where we finally love ourselves “just the way we are”, we also have to understand that there are thousands of women who have not yet crossed that border.

Loving one’s own body doesn’t always come naturally, and the journey to this body-acceptance often takes a detour — especially for younger women at the end of a relationship. Often times they will question their own sex appeal, wondering if it was something about their physical appearance that was literally a turn off to their partner.

“Was it my body? Was I so ugly? Was it my skin, my scars, my breasts — what is wrong with me?”

Chances are good that there is nothing at all wrong with her, but her inner doubt won’t rest until it projects an entire series of wrongs all over her body. Perhaps, in an attempt to get the answer that she’ll never receive, she blames herself — just for closure. Maybe denying ourselves that moment of self-acceptance is one of the ways we desperately try to control something we cannot: other people’s opinions — or at least, our perception of them.

In her article, “This is my Body,” Amira Young writes:

Certain insecurities stemmed from my marriage, too. I remember my ex often squeezing my stomach and shaking it around in a goofy manner. Sometimes he thought it would be fun to kiss me like he was sucking out my soul or put my nose in his mouth. He would play with my breasts like he was a 12-year-old discovering boobs for the first time and make weird, high-pitched noises while doing it. I wasn’t a person; I was a toy to him. And it made me feel ugly.

Well, it sounds like her ex was a very immature person with very little respect — but then again, this is her interpretation. This is the stuff that hurt her. What here could change to make the situation better?

Her self-discovery was only just beginning. She says:

Often, I sit around as my prettier friends get hit on and I wonder, what the hell is wrong with me? What if my ex was my last shot? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? Maybe I’m just not good enough. And yet I crave to be loved and beautiful, like every other girl in the world.

Heartbreaking, but true; no matter how above it all we can get, there’s a part of us that will always default to that princess ideal. “I just want to be beautiful. I just want to be loved.”

Alas, Amira begins to discover the real jewel within:

Just recently, I got out of the shower and walked by my full-length mirror. I went to wipe a little bit of makeup from under my right eye. But then I really looked at myself.

“You know what?” I thought. “You’re really beautiful. Your eyes are stunning and you have a killer smile.”

I then dropped the towel and looked. Not just glanced, but really saw everything. I’m not perfect, but I like what I see. I’m curvy and luscious with great legs. My hair is soft and shiny, and although I’m pale, I have beautiful, soft skin. Sure, my boobs aren’t super-perky, but they’re enormous! Girls would kill for boobs like mine! But above all, I am a person with a heart and a soul and so much to give to this world, and that should never be taken for granted.

Now that is a beautiful moment; self-discovery, self acceptance. The confidence that comes with sexual self-esteem. When you own your body, when you absolutely own up to who you are, as you are — nobody can take that away from you. And, as they say, there is nothing sexier in the world than self confidence.