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Venus Blogs http://venusblogs.com Venus Blogs - Real Talk for Women Tue, 23 Aug 2016 17:29:26 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Why Mother-Daughter Relationships Change http://venusblogs.com/why-mother-daughter-relationships-change/ http://venusblogs.com/why-mother-daughter-relationships-change/#respond Tue, 23 Aug 2016 17:29:26 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/why-mother-daughter-relationships-change/ I’d sneak out of the house to make out with my 11th grade boyfriend in Manhattan’s Central Park. Now, as a recent college graduate, my boyfriend (a different guy) is a frequent topic of discussion and a regular visitor. I let my mom know when I’m planning to spend the night at his apartment, and find myself confiding in her more than I do in my friends, something my high school self never would have imagined. 

What’s changed in these last eight years to make stealthy getaways and off-limit topics things of the past?

“I now consider our times together as shared experiences vs. teachable moments, when I could give you perspective and values,” she told me. “At this point, I think you’ve demonstrated that you know them, so I don’t need to sit around ‘teaching’ you now, which is kind of liberating for me. You also have become my go-to person for advice and support on issues about which I think you’re really expert.” SUCH AS?


Like me, mom revealed she’s been giving our relationship a great deal of thought.

Her friends have told her they’re committed to cultivating ‘best friend’ relationships with their daughters, but, previously, that didn’t feel quite right to her. I decided to find out for myself if other mothers had indeed made the transition from policewoman to pal.

I first went to visit my friend, Amelia, an only child of parents who immigrated to Texas from the Dominican Republic in the 90s. Always close with her mom, Esperanza, Amelia has noticed that she now comes to her for advice more than ever. When Esperanza recently felt slighted by a friend who didn’t invite her to her 50th birthday party, she called Amelia, who was in college in Chicago, to vent. Amelia told her, in a stern voice, to calm down and get some perspective. “Was this really such a big deal?” Amelia asked her mom. Wasn’t she busy that night anyway? And doesn’t she have lots of close friends?  Esperanza felt better after the conversation, she told me, though her daughter’s tough love was startling. Venting to Amelia is often fruitful, she explained, especially since her time away in college, studying and living in a sorority house, has made her a rich source of fresh insights.

Back in the day, many of my peers and I would dread family vacations. It was torture to be away from friends, perhaps even isolated without cell service or Internet connection. Today, my friends gladly take trips with their moms, and even propose the idea themselves. Bea, my high school pal, is about to take a post-grad trip to Israel with her mom, Carla, who’s always been a “cool mom”— laid back and trusting of her two kids, even when they were young. Carla and Bea are looking forward to this vacation, and said that spending time together has become more enjoyable over the years. “I don’t think I’ve changed as a parent since my kids went to college”, Carla said, “but perhaps I’m enjoying my relationships with my children more, now that they’re adults.” While Bea used to invite friends on family vacations, she now treasures her time alone with her mom. Now that we’re older, we seem to have less need for a “buffer.”

Moms are often our first female role models, but for daughters who don’t aspire to be like their moms, tensions can surely mount when they develop minds of their own. As we mature, however, it gets easier to move past our differences.

Rosie, an ambitious friend from Los Angeles, said that she’s developed a newfound respect for her mom Kay’s choice to be a stay-at-home mother. Rosie always looked at school as a means to an end, and pushed herself to take on side jobs throughout college. She also struggled through classes like economics and accounting to increase her chances of getting her dream job, and was one of my first friends to get a full-time offer after graduation. Throughout high school and the beginning of college, she and her mom weren’t especially close, and although she loved Kay, she couldn’t understand why she would choose full-time motherhood over a full-time career. This made it difficult for Rosie to relate to her mom.

Now Rosie said she sees the dignity in motherhood. Her younger brother has been struggling for two years with heartbreak, mental health issues and academics, and Rosie is awed by Kay’s strength and ability to unconditionally support him. As a result, she and Kay have become closer. Kay seeks parenting advice from Rosie, and Rosie has been calling more and more to discuss how to impress her VP and what outfit she should wear to her account meetings. Maturity brought respect for this mother and daughter, which has strengthened their relationship.

Becky and her mom PamelaMutual admiration undoubtedly helps mothers and daughters confidently rely on each truly in truly significant ways.

We enjoy spending time together, not as teacher and student or policewoman and prisoner, but as friends. My days of sneaking out are behind me, and I welcome this new era of easy transparency.

Respect may seem like an obvious platitude. But, as I move out of my parents’ apartment and begin my grown-up job,  if that’s all I need to stay close with my mom, then I’d say the future holds nothing I can’t handle.  That is, without help from mom.
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Sophie Jacob recently earned a BA in History and Creative Writing from Northwestern University. A native New Yorker, she loves to travel, read and spend time with family and friends.
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Dear Magnolia…….I’m Committed to the Marriage, But Not the Man: Part II http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnolia-im-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man-part-ii/ http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnolia-im-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man-part-ii/#respond Mon, 22 Aug 2016 04:00:09 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnolia-im-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man-part-ii/   The is Part II of my conversation with “Committed.”  If you haven’t read the Part I, you can find it here. I realize that this post may not to speak to everyone.  But, for those of you, who like me, perhaps, have had a difficult time in your marriage while going through perimenopause, I hope […]

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Study Says Women Who Enter Menopause Later Likely to Live Until 90! http://venusblogs.com/study-says-women-who-enter-menopause-later-likely-to-live-until-90/ http://venusblogs.com/study-says-women-who-enter-menopause-later-likely-to-live-until-90/#respond Thu, 18 Aug 2016 04:00:10 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/study-says-women-who-enter-menopause-later-likely-to-live-until-90/ A study published July 27, 2016, in the journal Menopause, has concluded that women who begin menstruation late, and women who also enter menopause later in life, are likely to live at least until 90. The average age for the onset of menses is 12.43 years, with some variation among black and white women. Which, by […]

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FASHION FLASH–SUMMER OLYMPICS EDITION! http://venusblogs.com/fashion-flash-summer-olympics-edition/ http://venusblogs.com/fashion-flash-summer-olympics-edition/#respond Mon, 15 Aug 2016 19:51:34 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/fashion-flash-summer-olympics-edition/ 2016_Summer_Olympics_logoSummer. My favorite season: light, bright clothing, sandals, self-tanner (no more “real” tanning for me!), iced tea with mint, that delicious smell of blueberry pie baking in the oven, and more time to just slow down.

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Then . . . every four years we have the excitement of the Summer Olympic Games, which makes this season even more special! This year, we’ve witnessed Michael Phelps reach an unprecedented 23 total Gold Medals, the two “Simones” bringing home the gold, Katie Ledecky made surpassing her own world record seem like a walk in the park (or swim in the kiddie pool), and holy moly Usain Bolt! IMG_4517

In honor of the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio, I dedicate this week’s FASHION FLASH–the best online mini-mag for women 40+–to all the athletes, their families, friends, and fans! It’s filled with fabulous articles that will help you be your personal best!

Okay . . . enough chitchat. Time to kick off those cute little kitten heels, plop down in a hammock with a glass of chilly rose’, and dig in to this week’s FASHION FLASH! We’ve got tips on how to stay hydrated now matter how hot it gets; the pros and cons of lanolin for skincare; the power of essential oils; traveling down the Nile just as Cleopatra would have done; and so much more! Just keep reading and click on the links to get the full scoop.

Oh, and one more thing . . .

GO USA!!

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No Nonsense Beauty Blog for FF DebChase-300x87Is lanolin right for you? Deb of No-Nonsense Beauty Blog  looks at the good and bad news about this popular skin care ingredient. 

CHIC-AT-ANY-AGE-LOGO_Fachion-FlashJosephine of Chic At Any Age thinks wearing a black dress is one of the most fabulous looks around, all year long. Here are her best tips to accessorize your favorite black dress. 

Glamour granny travelsInka of Glamour Granny Travels has some great tips on what to pack and wear when embarking on a cruise down the river Nile (hint: you’ll look better than Cleopatra ever did!).

primebeautySkincare need a boost? Prime Beauty found instant gratification in the Freeze 24-7 Coconut Gel Face Masks!    

 

beautyinfozonelogoIf your bathrooms could use a little beautifying, Beauty Info Zone has soaps from AntiQuity BC that you can win! Don’t let these fabulous products slip by you!

NotesfrommydressingtableWho knew that a simple mix of natural, organic essential and carrier oils could be so powerful? Essential Smooth Youthful Glow Hydrating Formula really surprised and delighted me!

Society Wellness logoHave you tried everything for treating cold sores? Society Wellness shares a list of supplements that could finally give you some real support!

Moving-Free-with-Mirabai-logo1How much water is enough to help you stay hydrated when you Exercise Outdoors in Summer Heat? Certified Exercise Physiologist & Health Coach Mirabai Holland, has the answer. Hydrate up and try her Outdoor Workout.  

BHGBitmogiDon’t forget to check out HEALTHY HABITS, my teeny tiny videos (all less than 30 seconds) to help you live your best life . . . at every age!

CLICK HERE TO SEE THEM ALL! 

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Do You Know A Great Guy For Her Successful, Single Daughter? http://venusblogs.com/do-you-know-a-great-guy-for-her-successful-single-daughter/ http://venusblogs.com/do-you-know-a-great-guy-for-her-successful-single-daughter/#respond Mon, 15 Aug 2016 18:35:17 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/do-you-know-a-great-guy-for-her-successful-single-daughter/

“Do you still help set people up on your website?” asked the woman who called me one fine afternoon recently as I was driving to an appointment. She was referring to the FabOverFifty section we launched in 2010, called Date My Single Kid, created to help members of our community set up their single “kids.”

“We put that section on pause a few years ago because it didn’t create the traction that other parts the site were getting,” I responded to the caller, whose name is Barbara. When I questioned whether she was interested in helping someone meet a mate, Barbara explained that she wanted to be aware of any helpful options that might be available for her single daughter, Nicole, although she wasn’t trying “to run her dating life.”  

Hearing that, I asked Barbara if she’d be willing to participate in an “experiment” by letting me interview her about Nicole to see if we’d hear from women who knew eligible young men for her daughter. Barbara was game.

I’d love to know how you discovered FabOverFifty.

I was looking for a way to connect with other women with successful, busy adult children who have little time to spend searching on dating websites. My daughter, Nicole, tells me that many singles on those sites are just looking for a hook up with no strings attached. She has tried many of them and said it takes time to even find someone for a first date.

Parents in some societies make contractual marriage agreements for their children, and in others they may not even know the people their children marry. Could there be something in between?

Please tell us about Nicole

Nicole is in her early 30s, and well grounded, with a good balance of common sense, resourcefulness and faith. She’s self-sufficient, independent, and confident, and often the ‘go to’ person when something needs doing. She’s a devoted friend with a maternal instinct that makes her friends feel like she really cares!

She has a master’s degree and a career in the humanitarian aid sector, and has lived and worked in many countries for seven years. Some of those places included refugee camps and dangerous locations. Nicole knows firsthand a different side of the world than many Americans and has clarity about what’s important to her and how she wants to enjoy the life she’s been given.

She is a 6’1” highly athletic woman who likes playing team sports as well as hiking and kayaking in the mountains near her home. She also enjoys reading and cooking.

What is Nicole looking for in a partner?

raceNicole is a low-maintenance type of girl who doesn’t play the part of stereotypical, helpless arm candy. I think she wants a solid, respectful, intelligent, good man who shares her values. She knows that she can be successful without a partner, but looks forward to meeting the right person who will be a teammate for life. She’s willing to have a long-distance relationship if that’s necessary in order to get to know someone. She’s also looking for someone who takes care of his body, likes to play outside, and is on the tall side.

She has many high school classmates who have been married and divorced. “If I am slower getting married, maybe I’ll never have to go through that,” she recently told me. She doesn’t want the wrong person so she is being careful about the guys she dates. As her mom, I don’t want her to get frustrated and give up. dancing

She recently enjoyed a date who surprised her by taking her dancing. They had a blast, and set up a second date, but since he lived a distance away, he then decided it was easier to date in his own town and avoid the commute. There have been guys who like Nicole, but she hasn’t felt the right connection.

She’d prefer to settle in a small city.
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How would Nicole feel about you looking for her potential mate?

Past experience tells me that she embraces the ways I can help her. When she lived out of the country, she asked me to be her ‘agent’ of sorts to handle things here in the states for her. We have a good relationship and respect one another’s boundaries.

If you know a young man who you think would make a marvelous match for Nicole, email geri@faboverfifty.com with the details.

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Dear Magnolia……I’m Committed to the Marriage, But Not the Man http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnoliaim-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man-2/ http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnoliaim-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man-2/#respond Mon, 15 Aug 2016 13:29:19 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnoliaim-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man-2/ This installment of “Dear Magnolia” was one of the most insightful and moving comments left on my blog in a very long time.  There’s not a whole lot I can say as an introduction to the comment, except that she is far more effective in expressing what I’ve been trying to get across to a […]

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Dear Magnolia……I’m Committed to the Marriage, But Not the Man http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnoliaim-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man/ http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnoliaim-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man/#respond Mon, 15 Aug 2016 13:29:19 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/dear-magnoliaim-committed-to-the-marriage-but-not-the-man/ This installment of “Dear Magnolia” was one of the most insightful and moving comments left on my blog in a very long time.  There’s not a whole lot I can say as an introduction to the comment, except that she is far more effective in expressing what I’ve been trying to get across to a […]

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Do You Have A Good Working Memory? Do You Even Know What Working Memory Is? http://venusblogs.com/do-you-have-a-good-working-memory-do-you-even-know-what-working-memory-is/ http://venusblogs.com/do-you-have-a-good-working-memory-do-you-even-know-what-working-memory-is/#respond Wed, 10 Aug 2016 14:59:09 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/do-you-have-a-good-working-memory-do-you-even-know-what-working-memory-is/ The last two weeks have been among the most frenetic in my life!

I’ve moved from the section of New York City where I’ve lived for 48 years; I’ve started renovation on an 1899 house with overgrown front and backyards, absent a kitchen or a single bathroom; shuttled back and forth, sometimes five times a day, between a temporary rental apartment and the house, and worked every single day on my biggest passion, FabOverFifty. I have always prided myself on being able to multitask with the best of ‘em, but I’ve been juggling multiple projects like I’ve never juggled before.

Last night, minutes before going to bed, I suddenly realized my handbag wasn’t in sight, and since I’m currently living in a 400-square foot studio apartment, I knew I simply hadn’t misplaced it. I became frantic. My life sits in that bag. Keys to all the doors of the house; a few hundred dollars in cash; checkbooks, and my wallet with every conceivable piece of crucial ID. My mind started racing. I got back into my temporary home a couple of hours earlier, so I had those keys. Surely, I had to have left my bag in the car. I popped on a blouse (sans bra) and shorts, and raced out of the building, running most of the three blocks to the blue VW Golf.

There it was, resting comfortably on the back seat, where I had obviously tossed it on my last outing. I grabbed it, held it to my chest, and thought, “You’re doing too much, Geri.”

But am I?

All this got me thinking about how we “exercise” our brains, so I Googled to see if our brains are muscles, and can be trained to get stronger. I learned that our brain is not a muscle, it’s an organ, a pretty important one. But some say it acts as a muscle because it can be trained to improve cognitive functions like working memory or math skills. But what’s “working memory”? Back to Google, I found this definition on medicinenet.com:  

“Working memory is a system for temporarily storing and managing the information required to carry out complex cognitive tasks such as learning, reasoning, and comprehension. Working memory is involved in the selection, initiation, and termination of information-processing functions such as encoding, storing, and retrieving data.

“One test of working memory is memory span, the number of items, usually words or numbers, that a person can hold onto and recall. In a typical test of memory span, an examiner reads a list of random numbers aloud at about the rate of one number per second. At the end of a sequence, the person being tested is asked to recall the items in order. The average memory span for normal adults is 7 items.”

If we can train our brain to improve cognitive functions, such as working memory, I’m in training for the Working Memory Olympics Team.

I’ve been asking my brain to recall all kinds of lists, all day long, including my renovation choices and how much money I’m spending on them, from clearing the overgrown brush in the backyard to repositioning the supporting wall in the front yard, from which tiles I’m using on the bathroom floors to which wood I’ve chosen for the parlor floor (that’s the name Brooklyn brownstone owners use for the floor at the top of the house’s front steps), from the color for the kitchen island to the pattern on the backsplash; my FabOverFifty deadlines, from writing a blog for a new beauty company to creating a proposal to introduce an exciting new health supplement; my personal obligations and dates, from feeding my son and daughter-in-law’s cats while they’re away to when I’m going to Will’s wedding and the Barbra Streisand concert (tonight!)

Multitasking Businesswoman or office worker sitting at the computer and fashion icons or application.Business woman shiva vector illustration concept.Aside from leaving my handbag in the car last night (it was late in the day and I was exhausted), I think I’m doing pretty well in the working memory department. My memory certainly isn’t as sharp as it used to be (when I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s, I could remember endless lists without writing down a single thing), but with the help of Google Docs and the notes app on my iPhone, I’m keeping track of my hectic life.

Weight training and cardio are important exercises to keep our muscles and heart in shape. But I urge every one of my FOFriends to train your brain to make sure your working memory stays sharp, too. You don’t have to move!

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Pjur® Med Premium Glide Lubricant for Vaginal Dryness http://venusblogs.com/pjur-med-premium-glide-lubricant-for-vaginal-dryness/ http://venusblogs.com/pjur-med-premium-glide-lubricant-for-vaginal-dryness/#respond Mon, 08 Aug 2016 18:08:55 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/pjur-med-premium-glide-lubricant-for-vaginal-dryness/ This is not a fun topic to discuss. I know when I began going through perimenopause in my early 40s, the most horrifying thing to me above all else, was the realization that I might experience a loss of libido. Until that time, I had enjoyed a very passionate and highly pleasurable sex life, and […]

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Thinning Hair? Best Tips to Make Hair Look Fuller http://venusblogs.com/thinning-hair-best-tips-to-make-hair-look-fuller/ http://venusblogs.com/thinning-hair-best-tips-to-make-hair-look-fuller/#respond Sun, 07 Aug 2016 14:00:04 +0000 http://venusblogs.com/thinning-hair-best-tips-to-make-hair-look-fuller/

Losing 100 to 150 strands of hair per day may sound catastrophic, but it’s actually the normal rate. If you’re shedding more than that, however, you may be one of the millions of women who are experiencing hair loss. The result is hard-to-handle thinning hair.

Thinning hair on brushWhen should you start worrying about this particularly virulent strain of flyaway hair? Well, some hair loss is temporary: It may be brought on by stress, poor eating habits or a body trauma such as illness or surgery. Women cycling through normal hormonal changes — those caused by pregnancy, childbirth and menopause, for example — often experience thinning hair as well. In many cases such as these, the condition reverses itself and the hair grows back.

And face it, when most of us think about permanent hair loss, what comes to mind is the sort of hereditary “male pattern baldness” that causes more than 90 percent of hair loss in guys. Yet this “pate fate” can await women, too: If you experience hair loss after 50, as 60 percent of females do, the trend is often more permanent. That’s when you need to consult your doctor to find a treatment that works for you.

Many women have written to ask me how best to deal with hair that is dull, dry and thin. To glean some professional tactics, I talked to Dr. Doris Day, a dermatologist based in New York City. In the video below, Day clues us in to some remedies that truly work — and gives us a glimpse of the likeliest breakthroughs currently in the making.

In a couple of weeks I’ll write a new blog post about how to style thinning hair. In it I’ll pass along some tips from one of the nation’s top hair stylists — all just one more reason to subscribe to my “Best of Everything” playlist on YouTube!

Until next time, remember this: We can’t control getting older . . . but . . . we can control how we do it!

I want to hear from you!

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