New, on YourTango.com, an article I wrote that may open some eyes on the subject of mastectomy, reconstruction and what the world thinks these things really are.

“The good news is, you’ll have a brand new pair of breasts!” Well, not exactly.
Ever wonder why we’re all so crazy about breasts? Because they’re so damned desirable, that’s why. This is a reality that every woman who’s undergone a mastectomy deals with each day. Society’s love affair with boobs is a daily reminder that our quest for self-confidence is going to be a bit more circuitous than other women’s.

If you’ve never seen a mastectomy site, you might picture a smooth plane of skin and scar tissue molded masterfully into a flawless breast by virtue of a miracle procedure called reconstruction: all parts beautiful, intact and ready for their closeup. When Angelina Jolie famously wrote a New York Times piece about her decision to have a preventive double mastectomy and reconstruction of her breasts, I noticed that the reactions among my friends and acquaintances — aside from admiration — were along the lines of, “Hey, she’s Angelina Jolie. It’ll be easy for her. Give her a couple of days and she’ll be back on the red carpet with the greatest boob job ever.”

To read the article in full: What No One Ever Tells You About Mastectomies & Intimacy by Dori Hartley

Imagine being adopted and then over the course of your life reuniting with your biological mother, cousins and then your siblings. I don’t have to imagine this because I am currently living it. Over the past 10 years and most recently as two years ago, I learned that I have over 12 siblings! Being separated from your natural family brings up a whole host of issues and then when you do reunite with them, even more concerns crop up and you’re left wading in waters that have been slowly rising for years.

There are so many things to delve into here, but what I’d like to focus on is something a lot of reunited siblings and other biological relatives have encountered, but no one wants to talk about. GSA. What is GSA? Well, the technical term is called Genetic Sexual Attraction. Let’s sit with that a minute.

According to Wikipedia, it’s a sexual attraction between close relatives, such as siblings or half-siblings, a parent and offspring, or first and second cousins, who first meet as adults.

The term was coined in the US in the late 1980s by Barbara Gonyo, the founder of Truth Seekers In Adoption, a Chicago-based support group for adoptees and their new-found relatives.

I like the definition crafted by Joe Soll, Owner and Operator of the Adoption Healing Network better: Genetic Attraction: A very strong physical attraction that often occurs between adoptees and their original parents and/or siblings upon reunion. The attraction happens for a variety of reasons and those that feel it need to be extremely careful that they do not act upon the feelings.

The last line of that definition is very important. There are some organizations and individuals though who condone GSA for various reasons and I personally think it’s wrong. The physical separation of siblings or parents and children does not negate the fact that they are indeed biologically related.

My first foray into this hidden world took me very much by surprise. After being reunited with my biological mother, a few years later I was reconnected with one of my biological brothers. As we spoke over the phone and tried to get to know one another he asked me a question I had not considered. “What if when we meet we’re attracted to each other?” I immediately told him that would not be the case because we were siblings. For him even to ask the question troubled me, but it was an honest query and if it was something he was thinking about, I did appreciate him bringing it out into the open instead of harboring it in secret. With the question on the table, we could deal with it openly and honestly.

But there was a part of me that felt somewhat violated. I had been looking forward to our reunion date with a lot of excitement. I mean, wow, I was going to meet my little brother for the first time as an adult. I felt emotional. I thought about all we had missed out on by not growing up together. I wanted to hug him tightly when I saw him, shoot some hoops and just talk to him. But that question. That damn question lingered in the air like the scent of stale collard greens. It made me think about what I was going to wear when I met him. Make sure you don’t wear anything too revealing. Don’t be tempting. Those were the words running through my mind when I should have been thinking about where we would hang out when I saw him.

When we did meet, it was surreal. The voice I had heard over the phone for more than a year was now attached to a living being I could see. I looked at him closely trying to find the familiarity in our faces. It was in the eyes that I recognized me. This was indeed my brother. We embraced several times during our initial meeting and when he drew me in the second time he whispered to me in a flirtatious manner, “I’m glad I didn’t meet you before I knew you were my sister.”

Irritation and anger coursed through me, but I didn’t have to respond as I was not alone at our reunion. Another relative spoke up and shut him down and he laughed it off. Some may think that admission was harmless, but slowly with the question and now this statement, he was chipping away at our sibling connection, making me feel like I had to be on guard in his presence.

The rest of the meeting was good however, as he didn’t bring up any more inappropriateness, but the damage had been done. There were other occasions in our conversations where I had to keep reminding him that we were siblings and that certain things should not be discussed and it got to the point one day where we had a bad blow up. I let it be known that I was tired of his sexual comments and that we were not going to be able to speak anymore if it continued. We were a little distant during this period, but over time it sunk in for him that I was indeed his sister and the inappropriate comments stopped.

Thankfully I had resources which helped me get through this difficult part of my family reunion. But what about separated siblings who meet and an attraction is mutual? What if it’s not just jokes or comments, but actions? When you are about to meet a biological relative or sibling it’s best to have some support. Either from a therapist or counselor who can guide you through the process like I did. In this most vulnerable situation be gentle with yourself, don’t accept anything that feels uncomfortable to you and question your own actions if you are acting out of character. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a professional.

Here is an adoption resource website that is helpful:
http://www.adoptionhealing.com/

Tameka is a native Detroiter, living in New York who loves writing, networking and cultivating great relationships. Her professional background includes work as a social media strategist, public relations professional, radio segment producer, project manager and consultant for media & publishing companies as well as non-profit organizations, most notably, WCBS, Newsweek, Scholastic, Girl Scouts of the USA and the American Cancer Society. She wrote her first poem when she was 5-years-old and it consisted of just two words: “I dream.” She believes that with persistence and passion dreams can be transformed into goals which become reality. Her novel Letters to Chyna, which delves into the emotionally charged issues of adoption is currently being reviewed and considered for publication. Follow her on Twitter @Tamstarz.

Because there’s never enough pressure on any one of us to be someone a little more super than we already are, why not rehash everyone’s favorite subject of all time: penis size. Because if we’re not talking about breast size, we’re talkin’ penis.

I was under the impression that, for a while there, we were letting penis size slide and that our focus was more on the quality of performance, no matter how the man was endowed. Ah, but old habits die hard *cough* and by the look of this article, Penis Size Does Matter To Some Women, Study Claims — I have to rethink what I think people are thinking. Too alliterate? Nah, let’s just keep going.

Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience Senior Writer, says:

Contrary to the reassuring catchphrase “size doesn’t matter,” penis size may matter in bed — but only for some women, and for certain types of orgasms.

A new study finds that women who have frequent vaginal orgasms are more likely than other women to say they climax more easily with men with larger penises. Women who tend to prefer penile-vaginal intercourse over other types of sex also say the same, researchers reported online Sept. 24 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

“Male anxiety about penis size may not reflect internalized, culturally arbitrary masculine stereotypes, but an accurate appreciation that size matters to many women — just as men feel legitimate anxiety when they enter the mating market about their intelligence, personality traits, sense of humor, social status, height, wealth, and other traits known to be favored by women across cultures,” study researcher Stuart Brody, a psychologist at the University of the West of Scotland, told LiveScience.

Ah, le female orgasm…she is a fickle one, is she not?

Both penis size and female orgasm are hot-button topics. There is still scientific debate about whether vaginal and clitoral orgasms are different phenomena. Different nerves carry signals from the vagina and from the clitoris, Komisaruk said, and stimulation of each activates different brain regions.

But, why stop there? Let’s get into specifics:

In the new study, Brody and his colleagues asked 323 women, mostly Scottish university students, to recall past sexual encounters. They were asked about their recent sexual behaviors as well as how important penile-vaginal intercourse and other sex acts were to them. They were also asked whether penis length influenced their ability to orgasm with vaginal stimulation.

Defining “average” as the length of a 20-pound banknote or U.S. dollar bill, which are 5.8 inches (14.9 cm) and 6.1 inches (15.5 cm) long, respectively, the researchers asked women if they were more likely to orgasm vaginally with a longer-than-average or shorter-than-average penis.

Want to broaden your knowledge? Macho Man: 10 Wild Facts About His Body

To read more about sexual satisfaction and the female orgasm, read Penis Size Does Matter To Some Women, Study Claims on Huffington Post.

And if you’re interested in learning about vaginal size, tightness, looseness, sexual satisfaction and self esteem, please visit our site dedicated exclusively to this topic: The Manhattan Center for Vaginal Surgery

MY MOTHER fought cancer for almost a decade and died at 56. She held out long enough to meet the first of her grandchildren and to hold them in her arms. But my other children will never have the chance to know her and experience how loving and gracious she was.

We often speak of “Mommy’s mommy,” and I find myself trying to explain the illness that took her away from us. They have asked if the same could happen to me. I have always told them not to worry, but the truth is I carry a “faulty” gene, BRCA1, which sharply increases my risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

My doctors estimated that I had an 87 percent risk of breast cancer and a 50 percent risk of ovarian cancer, although the risk is different in the case of each woman.

Only a fraction of breast cancers result from an inherited gene mutation. Those with a defect in BRCA1 have a 65 percent risk of getting it, on average.

Once I knew that this was my reality, I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy. I started with the breasts, as my risk of breast cancer is higher than my risk of ovarian cancer, and the surgery is more complex.

On April 27, I finished the three months of medical procedures that the mastectomies involved. During that time I have been able to keep this private and to carry on with my work.

But I am writing about it now because I hope that other women can benefit from my experience. Cancer is still a word that strikes fear into people’s hearts, producing a deep sense of powerlessness. But today it is possible to find out through a blood test whether you are highly susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer, and then take action.

My own process began on Feb. 2 with a procedure known as a “nipple delay,” which rules out disease in the breast ducts behind the nipple and draws extra blood flow to the area. This causes some pain and a lot of bruising, but it increases the chance of saving the nipple.

Two weeks later I had the major surgery, where the breast tissue is removed and temporary fillers are put in place. The operation can take eight hours. You wake up with drain tubes and expanders in your breasts. It does feel like a scene out of a science-fiction film. But days after surgery you can be back to a normal life.

Nine weeks later, the final surgery is completed with the reconstruction of the breasts with an implant. There have been many advances in this procedure in the last few years, and the results can be beautiful.

I wanted to write this to tell other women that the decision to have a mastectomy was not easy. But it is one I am very happy that I made. My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87 percent to under 5 percent. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.

It is reassuring that they see nothing that makes them uncomfortable. They can see my small scars and that’s it. Everything else is just Mommy, the same as she always was. And they know that I love them and will do anything to be with them as long as I can. On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity.

I am fortunate to have a partner, Brad Pitt, who is so loving and supportive. So to anyone who has a wife or girlfriend going through this, know that you are a very important part of the transition. Brad was at the Pink Lotus Breast Center, where I was treated, for every minute of the surgeries. We managed to find moments to laugh together. We knew this was the right thing to do for our family and that it would bring us closer. And it has.

For any woman reading this, I hope it helps you to know you have options. I want to encourage every woman, especially if you have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer, to seek out the information and medical experts who can help you through this aspect of your life, and to make your own informed choices.

I acknowledge that there are many wonderful holistic doctors working on alternatives to surgery. My own regimen will be posted in due course on the Web site of the Pink Lotus Breast Center. I hope that this will be helpful to other women.

Breast cancer alone kills some 458,000 people each year, according to the World Health Organization, mainly in low- and middle-income countries. It has got to be a priority to ensure that more women can access gene testing and lifesaving preventive treatment, whatever their means and background, wherever they live. The cost of testing for BRCA1 and BRCA2, at more than $3,000 in the United States, remains an obstacle for many women.

I choose not to keep my story private because there are many women who do not know that they might be living under the shadow of cancer. It is my hope that they, too, will be able to get gene tested, and that if they have a high risk they, too, will know that they have strong options.

Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.

Reposted in its entirety from the NY Times Op Ed article