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Mastectomy: A Lesson in Vulnerability

BEAUTY, HEALTH & WELL-BEING, SURGERY
Dori Hartley | VenusBlogs Managing Editor


New, on YourTango.com, an article I wrote that may open some eyes on the subject of mastectomy, reconstruction and what the world thinks these things really are.

“The good news is, you’ll have a brand new pair of breasts!” Well, not exactly.
Ever wonder why we’re all so crazy about breasts? Because they’re so damned desirable, that’s why. This is a reality that every woman who’s undergone a mastectomy deals with each day. Society’s love affair with boobs is a daily reminder that our quest for self-confidence is going to be a bit more circuitous than other women’s.

If you’ve never seen a mastectomy site, you might picture a smooth plane of skin and scar tissue molded masterfully into a flawless breast by virtue of a miracle procedure called reconstruction: all parts beautiful, intact and ready for their closeup. When Angelina Jolie famously wrote a New York Times piece about her decision to have a preventive double mastectomy and reconstruction of her breasts, I noticed that the reactions among my friends and acquaintances — aside from admiration — were along the lines of, “Hey, she’s Angelina Jolie. It’ll be easy for her. Give her a couple of days and she’ll be back on the red carpet with the greatest boob job ever.”

To read the article in full: What No One Ever Tells You About Mastectomies & Intimacy by Dori Hartley

Awareness, The Hard Way

BEAUTY, HEALTH & WELL-BEING, SURGERY
Gabrielle Vaughn | VenusBlogs Editor at Large
Photo: Ethan Miller, Getty Images


My Medical Choice, by Angelina Jolie

MY MOTHER fought cancer for almost a decade and died at 56. She held out long enough to meet the first of her grandchildren and to hold them in her arms. But my other children will never have the chance to know her and experience how loving and gracious she was.

We often speak of “Mommy’s mommy,” and I find myself trying to explain the illness that took her away from us. They have asked if the same could happen to me. I have always told them not to worry, but the truth is I carry a “faulty” gene, BRCA1, which sharply increases my risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

My doctors estimated that I had an 87 percent risk of breast cancer and a 50 percent risk of ovarian cancer, although the risk is different in the case of each woman.

Only a fraction of breast cancers result from an inherited gene mutation. Those with a defect in BRCA1 have a 65 percent risk of getting it, on average.

Once I knew that this was my reality, I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy. I started with the breasts, as my risk of breast cancer is higher than my risk of ovarian cancer, and the surgery is more complex. Read more

Fat Shaming Meets Comic Art

BEAUTY, HEALTH & WELL-BEING, MEDIA
Gabrielle Vaughn | VenusBlogs Editor at Large


I must admit, in the beginning, I was hesitant to get on board with the “Just Be A Real Woman” concept, probably because I knew that coming to terms with the reality of my own body would be a part of that plan. I love the idea of other women accepting themselves, in fact, the whole notion of self-acceptance is both beautiful and foreign to me; nonetheless, that kind of complete confidence is inspirational. I want to accept my body “as is” — I just haven’t been able to.

But something clicked for me after I saw the comic strip that 20-year-old Illustration student, Colleen Clark created for a school project. When she was asked to “write what you know,” she deferred to her immediate experience: feeling “ashamed, embarrassed and hateful of my own body.”

Oh. That again. “That again” was my way of brushing it off, lessening the importance of what is a very real, very intense struggle for almost every woman who must face the daily onslaught of mixed messages — We’re damned if we do (accept our fat/skinny bodies) and we’re damned if we don’t (achieve a certain body image). It’s just one more lesson in how we must slam ourselves down so that we can stay insecure and messed up forever. Read more

How We Perceive Our Own Beauty

BEAUTY, MEDIA
Gabrielle Vaughn | VenusBlogs Editor at Large


From CoCreate:
FORENSIC ARTIST PROVES WOMEN LITERALLY DON’T KNOW THEIR OWN BEAUTY
BY: JOE BERKOWITZ

Beauty is said to be in the eye of the beholder. Studies have shown, though, that when the beauty in question is a woman’s own, and the beholder’s eye is theirs as well, only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful. Dove has long been working toward shifting that paradigm with the alternately lauded and derided “Real Beauty” campaign. The brand’s latest effort at changing self-perception attempts to do so through eyewitness testimony.

Recently, Dove hired former police forensic artist Gil Zamora to illustrate some psychologically revealing sketches. In a campaign created by Ogilvy Toronto, a series of women described themselves to Zamora in minute detail, from behind a curtain. The artist in turn created composites as though trying to identify a criminal. Next, each participant was asked to describe another woman present. The results are dramatic and sort of moving.

It’s kind of sad to think that the majority of us underestimate the positive impact our appearance has on others. It would seem that we so rarely perceive ourselves as anything more than the sum of our flaws. The video above is an eye-opening experience, almost instantly identifiable. What’s even more jolting is the realization at the end that not only are we better looking than we thought, but that we are also unconscious of the way we so liberally put ourselves down.

Body Image Report: The BIG Reveal

BEAUTY, MEDIA, MIND-BODY
Gabrielle Vaughn | VenusBlogs Editor at Large
Photo: Beth Ditto, singer


This 5-foot-tall, 200-pound singer spoke openly about her weight to The Advocate, saying, “I feel sorry … for people who’ve had skinny privilege and then have it taken away from them. I have had a lifetime to adjust to seeing how people treat women who aren’t their idea of beautiful and therefore aren’t their idea of useful, and I had to find ways to become useful to myself.”

It’s like everything we’ve ever heard about blind people who, due to the fact that they’re moving through a sighted world, have developed superior coping skills as well as well-honed alternate senses in order to survive. Read more

Cover Up

BEAUTY
Lyn Rochelle | VenusBlogs Poet and Contributor
Photo: Body Sock / Image / Tess Kincaid


Once and for all
the farce of my attachment
to a notion of beauty
is exposed
as the entrapment
of conceit itself.

What was I thinking
so many years ago
with that
outburst of allure?

An old image,
smile and say cheese,
proves me a fool.

Nothing speaks
the truth of absurdity
like the shape
of my appearance,

my mind’s eye now
rolling with derision
at “how could I”?

Read more

Flirting with the Shop Girl

BEAUTY, LGBT, MOMS
Arden Leavelle | VenusBlogs Contributor
From the Midnight Confessions Series


I love when life gives you an unexpected gift. There are the little ‘finding a $10 bill in your jeans’ or ‘stumbling onto a forgotten bottle of wine in your pantry’ gifts. Then there’s the kind of gift that stirs something deep within and reminds you that you’re a sexual, sensual woman – if only for a brief moment.

It was Christmas Eve and I was still searching for a certain kitchen item for my mom, so I went to a nearby specialty shop – sort of like a locally owned Williams-Sonoma – to get it. With my cranky five-year-old in tow, I jockeyed through the other procrastinators shoppers to work my way toward the back of the store. I silently berated myself for landing myself in this situation. I’ve always been the last-minute girl, and it only intensifies with age. Read more

But…is it art?

BEAUTY, MEDIA, V TALK
Gabrielle Vaughn | VenusBlogs Editor at Large
Photo: Otolab “Vagina Cosmica”


Though the vagina may not be one of the more obvious subjects for art appreciation, the vaginal form has not gone altogether unnoticed by artists. The vagina in art tends to represent more than a body part, in fact, many times it’s a political statement, something that says to the world, “Yes folks, this is reality. This is what we look like. This is our power. Deal with it.”

And yet, history has given us very little in the way of vagina-related art — or has it? Read more

Eating Antimatter

BEAUTY, HEALTH & WELL BEING, MEDIA
Gabrielle Vaughn | VenusBlogs Editor at Large


The other night I was watching one of those entertainment television programs where the main gab was all about what celebrity wears what designer, who they’re sleeping with and how terribly troubling it must be for them to have to get divorced yet again, in spite of the fact that they just brought some children into the world together. It’s the kind of program you just ‘have on’ for background noise as you prepare dinner for your kid. I sat down on the couch for a second to cool out, knowing the mindless star gossip would give me that boob-tube-brain-numb sensation I needed. Read more